Hello!
So, quite a few people have asked would I write anything again? My initial answer was a straight up no way! The initial anxiety from posting online about my experience with grief was incredibly overpowering for a few days. However, the support and response I received from writing about my experiences soon put my anxiety at ease. With lots of responses of how my blog had resonated and helped certain individuals, it made the leap of faith all the more worthwhile.
So, what have I learned about myself since writing the blog?
- Lockdown most definitely was not for me! It confirmed I really do hate puzzles, zoom became boring, themed dinners were only fun once, and I overdid the gin.
- It’s ok to let others help you
- Being back at work gives me a purpose again.
- Panic attacks are ok and normal.
- Therapy is a great way to heal- a few sessions here and there are all that’s needed now.
- Friends/ family/ boyfriend is the greatest support you can get.
- It’s ok to laugh about the deep struggles sometimes, especially with friends.
- I am more introverted than I knew.
- Charlie Mackesy’s book ‘The Boy, the mole, the fox and the Horse’ is my favourite book of 2020.
I am sure there are more but that is all that comes to mind right now.
There are definitely still difficult days, and let’s be honest the pain of loss never fully goes away, no matter how many years pass. Anyone that has gone through losing someone will know this. However, through all of this I’ve learned if I hadn’t gone through this initial journey of grief, my happiness would be fleeting. If you hold on too hard to what has happened in the past, you can’t move forward. This sounds easy, however, I have only just realised and achieved this! So, if you are holding on to great pains of the past, try and let go. Opening this so called ‘box’, has been the hardest challenge (along with Corona ofc); nevertheless, the guilt can finally begin to settle, and I can move on with the next part of my life, (currently without a ceiling in my flat)
Love to all xxxxx
